All In

Am I wrong to cry your forgiveness?
For so long I championed your heart
even later when I secretly held you responsible
Can I be held accountable for a promise
that you wouldn't let me keep.
It haunts me like treasured memories
mapping pirate hoard
A game.
or enigma wrapped in a riddle
with a gamble at a higher stake
I folded while I was ahead
and left the table to make my tally
I thought I could walk away
and leave those other cards on the table
But I'm flushed
sitting in the dark trying to sleep
and the memories
The thought of our hands brushing as we
pick up the cards cut to us
It's unsettling
All this I have to tell you so I can get to sleep
That I got tired
I never lied except to myself
And my heart still races when I hear your voice
to be that myth, and be surprised by an embrace from behind
But I've found my partner for playing hearts
and sometimes building bridges, until we meet our spades
I still think of you and love you
Goodnight Elizabeth.

Summer 1998